fish of mind

last wednesday night we visited our old friends on the other site. it was already past 12mn when we arrive there. it was our rest day, split off actually, wed-sat..so we took advantage of the opportunity. keber na kung wlang pahinga, sabi nga di bale nang walang tulog wag lang walang gising.

they were all asking how’s the new account…my answer is always neutral-”ok lng…nde panget nde ren maganda..” i’m getting by, i don’t know how long will i regret transferring but i know there’s a purpose for it. i just can’t tell for now.

ANYWAY, i bought a souvenir esp. for swatch. he gave me super cute palm rest when using pc mouse. actually i was eyeing for that before, i never thought that he would give me that or anything, and it’s really cute! last sunday, i’m with j and k-strolling as usual. i saw this cellphone ‘thingy’- pa-sabit that’s what swatch called it. it’s like the one he gave me, jelly-like with colorful beans inside.

it took me a lot of courage to give it to him-torpedo-pasensya na…hehe

it seems like he liked it, gawin din daw nya palm rest-toink! liit kya nun, then un binigay nya gawin ko raw pasabit..hai… what a crazy beautiful mind he have. when i was about to leave, he asked “kelan ka ule dadalaw?” then i thought “gusto mo ba araw-arawin kta?” haha

budy and i were so kilig…i dunno why he have such impact on me. i’m a bit confused on my feelings for him and x. my x is asking me out. i didn’t say no, but i didn’t say yes either. my friend said it’s better for me to meet him so i’d know my true feelings. either i still love him or not, still confusing. i can’t hurt him, but i don’t want to neglect my feelings for this new guy. i’m single, but if he asked me to…i just might change my mind and let him in my life forever…sounds familiar right? ;p

my friends are teasing me everyday, musta daw ang pangliligaw, umakyat na daw ba ako ng ligaw…. well, i realized how hard it is to be courting someone. that is why it’s always hard for me to say no. hirap rin naman mangbusted kaya. lalo na pag face to face, it’s like you’re slapping the person already. i admire those (ok, so plural talaga, madame sila!) guys i turned down but stayed cool and nice. if they really want my respect, they gotta be nice naman talaga.

my mind now is like my hair, twisted, curled and unmanageable. my thoughts are so unorganized and i’m pretty sure that i don’t know what ‘peace of mind’ is. i’m like a fish who tried hard to get out of an aquarium.i realized that i don’t belong in the land but in the water. i end up going against HIS will, so ngayon undecided ako in so many things.

even the title of this entry..nhirapan pa ko mgisip.

~ by ampful on August 1, 2008.