habits

•June 30, 2009 • Leave a Comment

it’s been a while since i had the time to post an entry. this week is my week long vacation! i’m so excited and i’m in a panic. i don’t have itinerary and it wasn’t expected. knowing my mgr, she hates me after all that happened to us. i almost lost my job last May. they want me and my friend, snow, to be xferred to farther location. we disagreed and to cut the chase, we won.lol!

my bff, ry, is also single now. they broke up last May, like us. well, ours is like not a break up since we no longer together. we just set boundaries to our very complicated relationship. anyway, there are times i’m thinking if ry and i could be possible. but i don’t think so. i’m just happy he’s there when i need him.

starting tom i’ll be busy. so i guess i better rest. enough of facebook..lol! it becomes a habit whenever i go online, which is everyday.lol! sooner or later i know magsasawa rin ako jan. btw! i’m planning to enroll and transfer school 2nd sem. i want to pursue my course, drawing is my passion. that i wouldn’t be tired of doing over and over again. i hope i can also find someone who wouldn’t be tired of me too!

only hope..a walk to remember

•May 10, 2009 • Leave a Comment

For the nth time, i am watching “A Walk to Remember”. I remember the first time i watched this in big screen I was on a date with my ex while he was still courting me with some friends. this is actually one f my fave movie, simple yet meaningful..you know having faith.

I don’t remember when was the last time I went to church. i know it’s bad. sometimes, i feel like losing faith not with Him but with myself. Last friday morning, i lost a ring, it was my sister’s xmas gift. I was about to return in the office but it was too late. i even asked my colleagues to look for it but it’s nowhere to found. Faith is everything, but sometimes, you have to know when to stop hoping to something that would never happen. Sometimes, you have to be open to new ideas and things that would happen because God has bigger plans.

this week, i learned that they’re opening new positions to another department which we’re handling now. we’re 5 tier 1 payroll experts in our accounts and we’re doing what tier2 position does. plus, the previous account we handled needs more agents. am i sure i wanted to resign and study??

yesterday was mom’s bday. it’s saturday and i don’t want to sleep on my rest day but my head ache pulled me to bed until 11pm. i woke up with a very strange thoughts in my head. the dream seems so real. deh wants me back. we have a 3 day trip out of town and he said to me that he realized that he was wrong. my dream ended with me and him hugging. i didn’t respond to him though. does he really want me back?

a little love goes a long, long way

•April 24, 2009 • Leave a Comment

a little love goes a long, long way…maybe it does. ok fine… IT. REALLY. DOES. dito na siguro papasok yung thin line between like vs love..getting to know each other and bonding moments..from sanity to insanity.
last wednesday, i made a dvd marathon of sex and the city. i finished 1 eposiode i think. the last part i watched was carrie and big reconciled again. i thought to myself..i’m so carrie. lolz
*sigh* love really makes the world go ’round. i actually almost forgot blogging, until something happened, make it best or worst, basta extreme..i blog. then i realized, i should do this more often.
i’m actually listening to the company’s playlist. i don’t know why i feel happy. ironic. single. but. happy. 🙂

what i really wanted

•April 23, 2009 • 2 Comments

as i checked an old friend’s facebook, i noticed she looked exactly the same. she has the same job, same company, same hair, same fashion, but wait…she has a new bf?? 3yrs ago, she was my colleague. i wish i had the same lovelife as hers. her bf was really consistent, thoughtful, sweet…i didn’t know what happened to them. we lost in touch, i was hoping to meet them 2 mos ago to watcha a movie but it didn’t happen. the next thing i know is that he has a new guy! well, they look happy. i just didn’t understand how her relationship with her ex didn’t last.
i don’t know why i’m this curious. maybe i’m still nostalgic about our “break-up”. just can’t figure out how a love so good can really be wrong at the same time.
“why do we still continue some things we know wouldn’t last forever?”
Truth is, nothing lasts forever. it’s a fact that most of us refused to face. for some, it’s easier-optimistic. for some, it’s harder-pessimistic. unfortunately some quits sooner than facing the problem-quitters. for most of us, we go with the flow. we see things one day at a time, or shall i say just being practical.
on my mind, i am still thinking if i should let go and face my fear of being bum and study again or still keep earning money but without ambition, not learning something new and without really knowing what i want in life.
i remembered the last thing he said to me. he wanted me to finish my studies. i never doubted his capabilities, he’s too independent and responsible and workaholic. all he has to take is 1 sem but he always reason out that he’s great. he actually is. i always doubted mine. i doubted that if i pursue what i want, i’d realize in the end, it’s not really what i want. isn’t it horrible?
maybe he’s really right, as long as it makes me happy, that’s all that matters.

bitter sweet memories

•April 16, 2009 • Leave a Comment

We dated yesterday. he’s late for almost an hour. I couldn’t control my temper so i just shut my mouth while we were waiting for a ride on the way to neither of us knows. he kept on insisting that we go to a place where there’s only the two of us can spend some time each other.
I was hesitant, not because i don’t want to but because i really don’t know where i stand in his life.

I ate my breakfast, went to another mall to watch a movie then ate again. Actually, i don’t know why he’s not that hungry that time. we enjoyed the movie. i didn’t know that he’s that afraid when we watched T2. it turns out he had such paranormal experiences. Poor guy, he was always alone at home. it was really fun, i think that is the first local film we ever watched on the big screen.

after that, we can’t decide on where to go next. he only have one thing in mind. i was kj, as he said. i was really hesitant…i don’t know. maybe i was thinking of my pride and ego that time. he then said that he never forced me to do anything i don’t want. para daw kasing pinamumuka ko sa kanya na masama ang intensiyon nya. that time, i was silent. it was not the first time that we argue about that. we were on our way home, when he’s off the jeepney i followed him. i said “sama na ko kung san mo gusto

we checked in the nearest hotel. i said to him i will just take a nap. he said “don’t worry hindi kita gagalawin” i asked him if we can talk. his face became serious. teary eyed, he said to me that all he wants is to talk to me in private. he said he knows that i’m having a lot rough times in keeping our relationship. umpisa pa lang daw mali na ngyari samin i know he’s pertaining to what happened on the first time i met his mom almost 4 years ago, on a not so good situation.. he’s also not sure what will happen to his career. he has big opportunities here and abroad.

he don’t know how to say it, but he said to me that maybe i deserve someone better than him. i don’t know what to feel that time. i can’t believe he’s finally letting me go. i wish he wasn’t that strong to let me go. he said he really loves me. i know that it’s really a right love at the wrong time. we hugged each other so tight in bed, clothes on. it was the sweetest moment for both of us. i couldn’t let go of him. we were embracing each other while crying at the same time.

i said i’m thankful that he finally opened his heart and told his feelings to me. he said kilala mo naman ako, kunyari matigas..db nga lumaki ako ng magisa lang palagi… i thought to myself that i was really wrong. off all people, i should already know that. i understand him more now.

he said he’s letting me go and that if there’s someone who will come along, he should be better than him. i’m not saying a word. all i know is that i don’t want someone else. he’s letting me go, but each week, he’s planning to see me, which never happened while we were still together. he wants to keep our friendship. he wants me to keep on dreaming and finish my studies. he even wants to support and help me. i really don’t know why i’m still crying last night before i go to sleep, when i woke up, when i was eating my breakfast, while taking a bath, while writing this entry…

things will go my way

•January 19, 2009 • Leave a Comment

Over half a month of the 1st of the yr, so far..just fine. I’m planning to set my short term goals for the yr. I need to save a lot. i’m going back to school and hopefully this time things will go my way. There’s only one thing I can’t change now…

Yesterday was my first time to go MOA..no kidding. i’m with lei & K. kind of bitin since it’s sunday, we went there later afternoon. K treated us in Chef ‘d Angelo and we went to mass after.

Lei took the chance interrogating me while we’re eating. They both knew about all the ups and downs of our relationship which kinda like a roller coaster ride. This is what i’m talking about earlier. For them, it’s really enough that i don’t see him. For me, it wasn’t enough that he don’t realize my worth before i’m gone. Although i’m just cool with it. having no commitments at all.

Otherwise, who would demand of his time and commitment if we’re official? Who would be foolish to wait? Who would be tired and stressed of the promises? Who would be angry everytime or most of the time if he hasn’t changed yet?

it’s Me.

That’s why it’s better this way. I won’t have any rights at all so i won’t expect.

So this is Christmas…

•December 30, 2008 • Leave a Comment

Few hours left before we welcome 2009. Funny because the title has Christmas on it. Actually i never felt this year’s holidays due to work and all the hassle in working on a night shift and not enjoying your work at all. I still have few hours to decide how will I spend the last 2 days of 2008.

This is supposed to be my year according to Chinese calendar. There’s no doubt that I was blessed with so many things and the people around me. However, i don’t think this is my year. I know there are a lot of things i can do, so many places i can go and people I have to meet. I have to switch careers next year. I’m going back to school and finish what I started.

It’s been a while since I last posted an entry here. I don’t know what happened, there are a lot of things happened but I think most of them are absurd. There’s no BIG impacts on most of them for me to remember it. As they say, little things count. Lately i’ve been so numb, trying to avoid being nostalgic. I was depressed so busy trying to buy things for other people. I enjoyed that. I call it my Retail Therapy. I don’t know why but it’s like a chocolate to my lonely heart. More purchase means there are more things bugging me. Now that a new year is about to say ‘Hello!’ I need to say ‘Bye!’ to all the bad habits.

I promise to myself, i’m going to be a better person.. magiging choosy na ko.. 🙂